I am so confused and frustrated.  I am trying to eat better and healthier and the more I learn the harder it is to easily find food that is healthy, economical and won't turn me into a sea slug or something.  I am talking food additives, fillers, processing and, of course the biggie, GMOs.

I have to go into the grocery store armed w/ lists of ingredients to avoid in order to find food that is good for me.  Isn't this the food service's job?  Why do I have to spend so much time searching in a food store to find REAL FOOD?

Until someone tells me to the contrary, food supplier's care only about their profit, and anything that will put them into a lawsuit...reputation and money.  With so many of them spending millions on keeping us in the dark about some of these foods and additives... Seriously, is there anyone out there I can trust?

Here is where the organic foods area comes in.  They are REGULATED to keep to a STRICT guideline to label them organic.  Organic means no chemical pesticides, fertilizers, frankenseeds, etc.  Sounds awesome right?  REAL FOOD....at a price.  As far as I know the organics area is small, takes a lil longer, and more importantly organic farmers don't get as many government grants, insurances, etc as Big AG does.

So in the short, I have to pay a lot more in order to keep myself from eating creepy things.  I am a student... I have no money.  I want to lose weight, feel better and get rid of this damn depression I've had for 13 years.    Had I known that I have to do everything... maybe I'll just go live in the woods... cause the companies I should trust to help seem to care for nothing but their bottom line.

Like I said, I am incredibly frustrated, and don't know what to do and where to turn.

I hate that you still affect me and that I continue to compare every man I've been with to you and find lacking.
You have no idea how much you continue to hurt me.  I'm glad you are happy with your perfect damn life.


Your nickname for me has been and will always be so perfect,

Little Black Rain Cloud

Well I turned to big 3-0 this week, meh.  I did wind up having a crummy depressed day cause the sky was moody and I was mainly depressed because no one ever seems to care that it's my special day.  No one puts a lil party together or anything.  Other than people, cake, and prizes, you're just getting old.  That's enough to depress anyone.  My fiance did take me out later that night, and we were going to do other things this week, but damn depression gets in the way. Ugh!

Main thing is Today I got a gym membership.
I am 30 and I need to fix what I've done to myself.  I've dealt with(the beginnings)depression since the end of 11th grade and it gets worse every year.  12-13 years of depression.
I've had pills, I've had tests, I'm in therapy.  It's lack of exercise!  I've considered that as the main cause, but lived in denial b'cause I REALLY don't want to go workout.  It wasn't until I went for a daily walk with my MIL and felt so wonderful, and then stopped and I went back to crap, that I realized YES, it is lack of exercise. (damn)  Then hindsight says I didn't really start getting overly tired and depressed until I stopped being super jock.

Now I just have to make sure I go.

Fuck you Depression, you're a life-sucking cunt-bitch, a worthless piece of shit emotion.

Apparently Plato says this is a good idea.

Depression...

Depression is hard because it makes you forget all your coping mechanisms.  While in the thrall, I forget how to deal w my quirks, that watching videos of baby animals makes me feel better, that life isn't usually that bad, and that people are actually there and LOVE ME.
It makes you feel like you are alone... and alone is a scary thing.